Different ways I have tried to find my purpose as to what i need to be doing here on earth. 9 Jul 2019

Today the 9th Jul 2019.

It’s been what a week I would say. Holy Spirit I know that I am not lonely and that You are in me. So, as I write this, I am just trying to make sense of everything that is happening in my world.

Right now I am thinking if I should apply for more jobs, especially in the fields that I would like to work in which is in the marketing area. I know I don’t have any experience in this area but I would very much like to work in this area. Now why in this marketing area?

Well my answer is Marketing especially the video area because I really like this area.

I have been trying to find in which area I should be working, and it was a combination of a number of things that I have been researching on for a number of years.

I

  1. What do I love doing?
  2. What is my personality type?
  3. What am I good at doing?

II

I did the Strength finder 2.0 and this again showed who I am which were

  1. Futuristic thinker – are inspired by the future and what could be. They energize others with their visions of the future. (Strategic thinking)
  2. Competitive – measure their progress against the performance of others. They strive to win first place and revel in contes (Influencing)
  3. Focussed – can take a direction, follow through and make the corrections necessary to stay on track. They prioritize, then act                (Executing)
  4. Relator – enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.                (Relationship building)
  5. Strategic thinker – create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issue (Strategic thinking)

 

It then came down to

III

Spiritual Gifts – What are the things that I am good at doing. What are my Gifts?

Heart – What are my passions. What do I love doing?

Abilities – This later I found is similar to my Gifts

Personality – What kind of person am I?

Experience – What experience do I have up until now?

IV

After this I checked the DISC personality which showed that I am D and I. Dominant and Influencer which confirmed the kind of person that I am.

V

Most recently I have come to Ken Coleman’s

  1. Passions – Things that I naturally love doing
  2. Talents – Things that I am good at doing

To which I added the Experience – What I have done till now.

So these are some of theing

King Hezekiah. 9th Jul 2019

Lord My God, I have been reading Your word throughout so many days now. Lord yes, I haven’t been listening to you. The reason being when I quite my mind there are all these bad thoughts which come in and then it becomes so difficult to just do anything.

To listen to You quietly is so difficult. Lord just as Charles just said the 3 main barriers between me and You are

  1. My Pride
  2. My rebellion
  3. My hurry to do things

Lord guide me Lord. Lord, I have been reading Your word morning and day and I have been hearing things from Your word.

Lord what do You want me to do? I am listening to You right now as I am writing this. Lord You tell me what I need to listen or hear from You.

I see all these cars coming and going as I sit outside the Doppio coffee and try to understand what You are telling me? What are You telling me Lord.

Lord You are telling me to put my whole trust onto You. You alone, not on my job, not on my thoughts, not on how to bring value, not on how to make money, not on my desires or passions, not on my life but instead to put my whole trust and faith onto You God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

You want me to read and understand Your word. Lord I thank You for the way I can sit down in this café and listen to electronic music and read 2 Kings 18 and 19.

Lord Hezekiah is someone that I really do admire. Lord and You put him in a high place as well cos he is someone as You said in 2Kin 18:5 that there was none like him in Judah after him or before him.

Lord yesterday in the night I read about David’s mighty men, Lord today I am reading about Hezekiah and how when the king of the biggest army at the time of the Assyrians came and when that Rabshakeh said all those things and threatened the people of Judah and most importantly their king Hezekiah and said all those things, they kept silent. The king commanded his people in vers 36 “Do not answer him” just like how Jesus says to not cast your pearls to swines in Mat 7:6.

Then Hezekiah receiving all these letters and everything turns to the Lord and prays to God. He says from 15 to 19 and says that You alone are God, save us from that king Sennacherib so that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You are the Lord God, You alone.

Lord I pray that You guide me and lead me by Your eye so that I can show You to the world. That You alone are the true God, there is no other way in this world other than through You Lord Jesus. Guide me Holy Spirit so that I can do great things for You God in Your name.

Lord let me always have trust and faith on You Lord Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit.

7th Jul 2019

What a world I am living in. I just thought of writing this not because I wanted to share things to you but just to vomit out all the things that’s been happening and just a plain vomit of stuff.

I know one thing for sure and that is that I have a place in heaven with God for eternity. I thank You Jesus for coming down to earth for me and sacrificing Your body for me all that 2000 odd years ago.

I am writing this article listening to soundtracks by that wonderful Hans Zimmer (Dark Knight), my goodness it gives me the goose bumps almost every time I hear it.

I have understood after all these years that God’s word is the only thing that I can believe in. Mark 13:31, I thank Him that I found Him after all these years of me trying to find meaning and purpose on my own.

Ok, let me tell you what I am writing this article for, (even I don’t know myself but feels so cathartic to write rather than to keep watching something on YouTube.

So I know that God has given me a purpose here on earth to do and that is as of the 24th Dec 2017 to “go spread the word of God”. And I know this is the best thing to do as the word of God is what will bring a peace to your soul. A soul which is always searching for something and that search comes to an end when we come and understand Jesus and His love for us, even though it seems like He or God doesn’t love us at times here on this earth. With so many bad things happening out here in the world, it looks like such a bleak life…I know, I can’t explain these things.

So, then what are we to do here on this earth? Well my purpose is to spread the true Life to the world because I know how this has affected my life in a big way. This life here on earth is a short and miniscule compared to the eternity we have after our flesh withers off. There isn’t any re incarnation or anything else. God made each and everyone of us for a reason. He loves each and every one of us. No matter how alone we might feel at times, as no one understands us or not even ourselves at times, its at these times we have to know there is someone out there who knows us better than we can ever know ourselves. The best way to know more about ourselves to ask the One who created us? Because He knows us better than we can ever know about ourselves.

In todays world we are seeing so many fascinating things happening in the field of Neuroscience which is something that I am extremely interested in. Our mind is something that I have been focussing on for a long time. I started on learning and researching from about 2012 or so. I know that our minds are great things that God has given us. We can achieve a lot of great things if we put our mind to it.

Now right now as I am in the crossroads of trying to find a job that I cant find in any way shape or form. Money is something that I have been trying to make a lot of since the day that I quit my engineering job, but till now I haven’t made any money other than the fact that I invested some money and thank God that has given me some ROI.

But then I don’t know how to make money by providing value to the world right now. I just cant find any job not even a part time job, but I know something is brewing and that God is doing something and stirring up some things, and that during this whole process He wants me to keep focussing in on Him and trusting in Him and know that Rom 8:28 and that everything happens for good to those who love God and are called to His purpose.

Guide me Lord to do the most important of work’s which is to bring more people to You, to save more souls so that they can live in eternity with God rather than in that hell for eternity.

Guide me and Sojikutty to do that work as a team to bring more people to come to You. Lead me in Your way and Lord give me the strength to trust in You even though it seems inconvenient at so many times. Guide me Lord.

Lord I thank You for the way You talk to me everyday especially the way I could call out to Wayne today and let him meet with Mike and then discuss that job situation and now giving hope to Mike. Lord let me be able to do more work like this so that more and more people come to You. Lord You know the dreams that You have put in my heart, Football FIFA dreams, great Movies, Great books, DoTa tournaments making that library cafe for Sojikutty and many more all for one reason. The reason being You, to be able to be victorious so that we can all point it towards You. Bring the world to know You as being the only way. Lord I thank You for the answers that are on the way and Lord You do what is good in Your sight and give me the strenth and the power to be obedient to Your nudges constantly. Thank You Lord Ummaa.

 

Rinu

RINU. Who is Rinu
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The year is 1988 I am running around crazy as usual and along comes a bushy haired baby into our home. This I learn is my new sister. I am thinking what games I can play with my new sister in Saudi Arabia. Little did we know how Rinu would turn up…

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Courtesy of Premith’s amazing photography skills.

Well the first few years with my baby sister were very boring as she wasn’t much of a player or talker but more of an eater and pooper. She was quite chubby and very cutttee.

Stoned Rinu.jpeg

Luckily she grows up from that stage and so begins the “fun” memories 🙂

Age 0 – 6 (1988 to 1994) – The various activities that Rinu and I got up to 

  1. I remember making forts by putting blankets under a table after having cooled the whole room with the air con. Me and Rinu would put pillows and bed sheets inside the blankets and pretend to have a house within a house. Houseption Mr Christopher Nolan what say…
  2. I remember recording songs from the Radio onto our cassettes and then recording our wonderful rendition of these songs.
  3. I remember her being my footballing partner along with my friend Arun. She was very active, always sporty and full of energy. I guess that runs in our family thanks Achachi and Mummy.
  4. Its 1992 and another sister pops out and this time me and Rinu kind of double team on poor lil Riji

Now growing up Rinu was probably the most competitive amongst the 3 of us…..yep…she used to win first place in running every year in school from UKG, 1st grade all the way till the 9th grade which was when she left for India. There was the one time she came in 2nd in the 100 meters and she had to be admitted to the hospital hehe

Age 7 – 13 years (1995 to 2001) – The tumultuous era of my relationship with Rinu

Now growing up me and Rinu didn’t agree on doing too many things together mainly ‘coz she would most of the time rat me out to my parents. And our relationship was not a very caring or loving one. It was more a divided rule with each person to themselves a very good system our parents developed in order for us to not create further damage at the house by double teaming. But we did agree on a few things and one such thing was playing street fighter on our sega mega drive and playing football when we had an opportunity.

But also there was those moments when she had love for me and used to massage my head but that quickly came to an end when I did the Razors Edge on Rinu and she lost her front tooth. I had to make a quick getaway from the scene because The Ultimate warrior (Mummy) and the Hulk Hogan (Achachi) rushed onto the scene to help poor toothless Rinu. Anyways the rest of the wrestle mania match footage was lost due to all the commotion. And Rejin (the beaten-up wrestler with no name) was found all bandaged and stitched up in a room somewhere hehe.

Age 14 – 25 years (1995 to 2001) – Rinu goes to India and her Rebellious era starts

Main Pic Rinu

Rinu has left Saudi Arabia for good and this is where Rinu lives up to her true form. She still runs but the girls here are faster but that doesn’t stop her from using her high energy. Rinu being in freer land of India studying in Kochi and Chennai takes things to another level.

Ok up until the age of 14 I forgot to mention that she is the top student and even though she got up to a lot of mischief because of her stature and agility she was not found out by the teachers. I seem to remember a story where she used to creep and crawl under the desks and chairs to scare someone buhaha. Mad she truly was and still is. She kind of managed to keep that neat reputation up until she finished the 12th grade. She was the darling of many of the teacher.

46498_1505476231587_6233057_n.jpgSo Rinu was the darling of a number of teacher but she started to be found out and then she went full Rinu once she started college, from darling of the teachers she became the number 1 enemy to a number of teachers. I do not know what happened exactly. Our parents put me and Rinu in these strict colleges thinking that would help change the course of our lives, but little did they know those colleges were in for a run when Rinu went to WCC…They are very many stories that I am not going to explain here but some highlights are her jumping out of her college for taking a train to meet a friend on the other side of the country, making Mummy to act and cry on cue, to standing in a particular queue clears throat…etc. 395340_10150489771686400_1027835239_n.jpg

Age 26 – 31 years (2002 – 2019) – Rinu starts a new life. 

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Rinu finds the man of her dreams and Premith finds the woman of his dreams and they become one on the 10th May 2014 with the help of God. Well soon after they bring out a wonderful surprise in the cute little Ebaby. 

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Rinu is still the same sister I know full of energy and fun. Mad as always with little opportunities now a days…

One major thing Rinu has is the enormous amount of love and care she has for people. When she hears someone say “I want to …” Rinu would probably be the first person in the front of the house getting the scooter started and say lets do it…She is such a doer and and ever ready to do things and help people out without a moments hesitation. 

Rinu is a unique star with a number of great God given Passions and Talents. Rinu is competitive, very creative with words, funny and loads of fun, mad and has a big heart full of genuine love and concern. 

Rinu I wish you all the best for your future and take things one day at a time and do all the things that you were put on this earth to do. Have a great life ahead. Loads of love to both you and Premith. May God bless you both abundantly.

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Happy Birthday Rinu.

How i was addicted to playing DOTA. 26th Aug 2018. Blog 3

Ok the last few days I have been talking several times about this game called DOTA. So forgive me today as this blog is going to be entirely about this game DOTA and how it had a major influence on my life. 

The last few days has been a very important time for DOTA (right now its called DOTA 2). It is because there was a tournament happening for the game and its called The International, this was the 8th year and so its called TI 8 for short.

The Intl Dota .jpgThe arena where the DOTA tournament happened. 

The prize pool for the whole tournament is more than $25,000,000. Yes thats right i didn’t miss any 0’s. The winner of the whole tournament gets more than $11,000,000 and it is split between the 5 players and maybe a bit with the staff as well. So each player in the winning team gets around $2,000,000 for this tournament which lasts for just about a week. The grand finals was happening in Vancouver Canada this year and there were more than a 5 million people watching the best of 5 games. It was an exciting tournament to watch and I was supporting this team called OG and as you would have it OG won the tournament.

Guys, proceed with caution, as this blog has a lot to do with video games.

Its the year 2001 and I just finished my 12th standard exams and i think i have around 5-6 months of free time and during this time i find out about a game called Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos, which was made by Blizzard, Diablo 2.jpgthe same guys who made Diablo II on which i had already spent countless hours to complete as well.Warcraft 3.jpg These games were fascinating to me and i could play them for hours on an end and also loved watching the excellent movies they made after i completed certain levels like this one for Diablo II and these for Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos, this one and many more. Man these cut scenes are spine tingling, just look at those graphics, they are nearly 20 years old. I loved these two games. I finished both these games and I was then sent of to do my Engineering studies in India. Fast forward to the year 2005, I barely completed my engineering degree and I hear that there is a game called DOTA (Defence Of The Ancients) which is similar to the warcraft game I was playing. DOTA came to the Indian LAN cafes around 2005. I was lucky that i finished my engineering by this time because if i had found out about DOTA earlier I would still be doing my engineering degree to this day :). 

So I used to play the game for a bit but as it was just the start and I was still only learning how to play the game, my skill level was not good enough and so I was not that interested in the game yet and I also had plenty of friends and so we did a lot of other things together. In the year 2006 I travel to the UK to do my masters degree and my oh my I barely complete that as well. And then luckily by the grace of God I even landed a job as an engineer. So then starts my work life but by the year 2009 I don’t have a lot of friends like I used to have during my engineering days and soon enough I get bored.

This then becomes my re-discovery and journey back into the game DOTA. I am so bored that I go to work come back home and there is nothing else to do so I installed DOTA and started playing against the computer bots and soon I learn more about the game and I am playing on a daily basis and so my skill level kept growing as well. Soon with the help of a friend I found out that there is an online community, so now I can play DOTA online with other people from around the world instead of playing against the boring Bots.

Dota .jpgThis was the loading screen of that original DOTA 1

Luckily that year 2009 to mid 2010 I did make friends and we did have fun but then when the friends left, I came back to square one. Rejin took up DOTA again but this time I took it up on a full time basis. I went full fledge. I started play the game online on a daily basis and I really mean every single day. I came back from work and before I do anything else the first thing I used to do was open the computer and start playing DOTA. I continue playing, all the way until around 11 pm and then I get up to eat something and sleep for a few hours and wake up next day, to go to the office and all I am thinking of is what kind of strategies I can use to improve my gaming skills, I even sign up to some forums to get more ideas about how to play better. I was constantly looking at strategies to become better at the game. I would spend any free time I had looking at DOTA forums during my work hours as well. This was a time when all I could think of was DOTA. Then Friday comes up and I am like lets go out and meet up some people but soon enough I get bored and by now I have gotten two other friends to play DOTA with me as well and I drag them also to play the game with me. We start playing the game on Friday from around 8 pm and we keep playing all the way to around 04:00 hrs in the morning. I then go home, take a nap and wake up by around 11:00 hrs and I then open the computer and start playing again all the way upto the evening around 19:00 hrs. I keep playing taking small breaks and here and there to eat and use the toilet but they are very quick because I don’t want to waste my DOTA playing time (I know what you are thinking), yes I was an addict. My character and me was one, it was like as if I was on the field making all that game play. 

Why did I love playing the game?

I just loved the excitement that I used to get first thing in the morning before I opened the computer to another exciting day of playing DOTA. I used to have this raise in heart beat, body tingling and just overall very excited to wake up in the morning especially on the weekends. I used to get that same sense of tingling exciting feeling when I used to wake up to go to school during the sports days, where I could play sports all throughout the day. Later I learned that it was a massive injection of the neuro-transmitter called dopamine spreading into the body. 

The thing is when I am playing the game I am totally focussed and in that State of Flow (that I discussed in the earlier blog 2) and I completely loose track of space and time. There are so many aspects of the Flow state (which I discussed in Blog 2) which are ticked of by this game. The game has 

  1. A specific Goal to defeat the opposition
  2. Intense Competition 
  3. My mind to be constantly working and there is no rest for the mind during the 40 – 60 mins of gameplay. I am just constantly made to focus only on the game. 
  4. Instant feedback to what ever I do
  5. Growth opportunity (I need to keep improving my skills in order to overcome the challenges)
  6. Social aspect of being able to other people

I kept playing DOTA everyday for almost 2 years starting from late 2010 to December 27th 2012, I remember this day clearly because that was the day I quit playing the game and I haven’t had a relapse since then (I shall try and let you know how I quit playing the game in another blog). The reason I quit the game was because I saw how DOTA was affecting so many other areas of my life. I was getting better at playing the game but my health was suffering, my confidence levels when talking with people were suffering, I was being more and more of an anti-social person.

For a long time afterwards I thought the time I spent playing DOTA was a massive waste in life, but recently I have understood yes there is a lot of negatives to playing the game but there were positives as well as I learned a lot about how companies and games can get people addicted to certain things.

Well I have understood that I can use these same principles to get addicted to doing something useful, doing a process that brings value to the world. 

 

How do I manage to do any task? What is State of Flow? 24th August 2018 – Blog 2

I started that first blog on the 22nd Aug thinking about writing this below article, but me being me wrote and different article instead.

Ok its very late in the night around 03:27 hrs and i have put the timer to 23 mins and have started my first session. I enjoy the writing part and pulling all my thoughts onto paper (screen), but its the editing part which is kind of boring, but I have got to do it or else what are you going to understand. It will all be a big pile of c#$@ that you will then have to decipher, well reading my article is boring enough and I shall try my best to lessen your pain. Oh yes I am gonna reward myself after the timer rings by watching the TI 8 DOTA tournament (I shall explain to you more about DOTA in my next blog 3). Anyways here goes nothing. 

Ok the last blog I have started of by telling you that I have put on a timer for 23 mins, Timer.jpgwell how does this help. Well this is a method that i use called the Pomodoro technique, It is a method wherein I make myself focus completely on the activity that I am doing by not allowing myself to be distracted by anything else thats going on around me. I focus completely on typing words here. This way of putting on a timer has been the only way I could focus myself into doing something that I don’t enjoy doing all that much. And after the timer rings I then reward myself by doing something that I enjoy doing like eating something or watching something fun etc. 

But this has not always been the case, I didn’t always have to put on a timer for doing things, let me give you a few instances where I am totally focussed and loose track of time and space while doing an activity, almost to the point of being addicted. The below is a list of the few times when I am completely focussed/in the zone/in a state of flow (what ever you may call it) and they happen when I am 

  • Playing Football
  • Playing DOTA
  • Recently got into the habit of reading the Bible in depth
  • Playing other competitive sports
  • Reading good self improvement books
  • Watching YouTube videos about self improvement and other entertaining stuff
  • Watching interesting movies and series
  • Playing RPG computer games like Diablo II, Warcraft etc. (Explained in Blog 3)
  • Dancing to nice music that I enjoy

Now the above are a few things that I can do without having to put on the pomodoro timer and I can focus on doing these activities for hours without once having to look at the time. So like I do, I researched on why I could hyper focus on these activities. In Flow.jpgWell it turns out that there are other mental people like me out there and particularly one guy spent a lot of his time researching on this phenomena and his name is Mr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (I have no idea how to pronounce his name so for this instance we shall call him Mr. Mihaly) and he coined the term State of Flow. It is a state when I am doing an activity where in I am completely in that focussed place and loose all track of time and space.

You might remember Bradley Cooper in that scene of the movie Limitless In the zone.jpgwhere at the start of the movie he is an aimless person not going anywhere in life and had been trying to work on a book for months but instead just keeps procrastinating and wastes his time, but then he takes a pill, and all of a sudden he has clarity in life and he starts writing and completes that book within a few days. Here is the link to that scene if you don’t remember. I am not saying that you need to take a pill to have that kind of clarity and ability to complete tasks. So you might ask, “Rejin what else should I do to have that kind of consistent focus day in and day out without the help of a pill”? Well my answer is 

  1. Set a Goal for yourself
  2. Just Do it – Start doing instead of over thinking things. Tip – use the pomodoro technique.

I am not going to explain about this more as I think you get the point. 

Ok, lets come back to me playing football and why that gets me to be in that focussed zone. Let me tell you what happens when I play football and why millions of other people are in that State of Flow while playing. As most of you know how the game is played let me get straight into the explanation.

Now the game has a number of aspects which caused me to be in a state of flow. 

  1. The overall aim of the football match is to win the game.  (There is a specific goal) 
  2. Defeat the opponent. (Intense Competition)
  3. There is a need for me to be completely focussed, cos if I am not focussed on the game then I will be the weakest player in my team and cause my team to loose.  
  4. The way I kick a ball or move on the field gives me an immediate feedback. This could be a positive or negative feedback and based on that I can change the way I play the game. (There is feedback)
  5. The game has various challenges and so this requires me to improve my skill level so that i can overcome the challenges presented to me. (Skill vs Challenge)
  6. I need to keep growing and I can do this by constantly increasing the challenge levels, or by playing against better opponents than me and so this causes me to improve my skills consistently over time. (There is growth)
  7. The game has other people involved in the team and so I get to interact with others. (There is a social aspect)
  8. It involves my heart, mind and body to co-ordinate well together. (This is physical activity). 
  9. The mind is constantly being used. There is no rest for the mind during this 1 hour.

So these are some of the aspects that I found to be the most important when I play football, it might be different for others. But this is what works for me. See if there is anything that you are addicted to and check out what are some of the aspects that cause you to be in that state and do let me know in the comments, i.e, if you have read till here :). 

My timer has rung and I think this is a good place to leave things. I shall continue on.. have a great day :). 

Oh no!! this time he has started a Blog for the world to see. Why do you do this to yourself Rejin. 22 Aug 2018 – Blog 1

O Lord what do i write about and why am i putting this information out to the world?

There are so many things going on in my head, so many thoughts (lets write this article later, maybe go check out that YouTube video about football or the next motivation speech, keep opening new tabs…) and i just cannot make myself focus in on writing this article. “Ok Rejin!!! stop everything and focus in on writing this blog post”. So i put on some music, this one to be exact (Remake – Blade Runner (Maceo Plex Remix) playlist) and then i put on a timer for 23 mins on my phone and then cut myself of this world and just completely focus on writing this blog.

Humans.jpg

Now I think to myself why am i writing this article, well the reason is I just need to pull thoughts out of my head and put it out into this world in an organized manner (at-least i shall try :)) 

Productivity.jpg

I have this constant urge to be creating and bringing value to the world in some shape or form. Ok from my YouTube videos most of you already know that my outputs are not of good quality value. But producing outputs/content are a way of keeping myself sane. Right now this blog is my way of being productive and putting down the lessons that i have learned throughout my life. I want to be as honest as possible and not want to deceive you or myself. And it would really be helpful if you can give me your criticisms so that i can try and keep on improving… without crying :). As a reminder, I am not telling any of you that you should follow my advice on anything, because I am no one to give advice, but I have learned a number of lessons in my life and these lessons could be of some value to someone somewhere. These are lessons i have earned from my different experiences throughout life.

Ok thats more than enough information to start. So what is happening right now in my life?

Well let me be completely honest and tell you the truth, right now I am someone who is wasting a lot of my precious time here on earth.Wasting Time.jpg

(ooh look at the clock disentigrating)

The main reason i have understood, why i am wasting majority of my time right now is because i do not have a meaningful goal to work towards (well this is not entirely true, i shall explain below in red). 

(Ok just an update by the time i have written this much of the article and edited stuff and even managed to put some pictures and by now, my body is aching, my mind is telling me Rejin go look at that article and see what they say etc. But I AM determined NOT to STOP writing until that timer rings on my phone). I do have a lot symptoms of ADHD. 

I was not always someone without goals, I have had a number of goals in my life and i used to work very hard on achieving those goals and i did successfully achieve some goals that i set. But what dis-heartened me most was when i failed at achieving some of my major dreams & goals that i set on myself. The thing is I put a lot of hard work into achieving them, but i still came up very very very short and failed miserably at achieving my goals and this was really painful and difficult for me to digest.

FearThe goals that I didn’t achieve scarred me deeply and it left me with that fear of failure syndrome and also caused me to start thinking about the various criticisms and negativities people would tell me if I failed again, at achieving my new goals as well. 

Even though i say outwardly, that i was not affected by these failures and what others thought about me, i think deep inside i am still a bit hurt for not achieving those goals & dreams. And my oh my the things i have said to people that i would achieve… Well it’s very easy for people to say to get back up, more easily said than done…  

Well not all is doom and gloom because right now I do have a goal but i am a bit overwhelmed as to how to achieve it and what is right way to go at it. 

First of all I thank God for this restart He has given my life and I am so glad that finally my foundational belief system about how i should lead my life has been solidified with the help of the ത്രിത്വം (Trinity) God, Jesus and Holy Spirit as the centre of my life. This was a void in my life that i was searching to fill for nearly a decade starting all the way back in around 2008-09. Here is a link to my search for meaning and a reason to live

After understanding and having peace that God will take care, my life has since gotten easier and a lot less confusing. God has even found me a beautiful woman that i will be marrying in Oct 6th 2018. Well thats 2 major things that have been solved in my life.

Just in time, the timer has rung, let me take a 15 min break and come back to it…

Well that’s enough of that. So why was I writing this blog in the first place?…

I finally have a hero to look upto.

5th March 2018 – 1158

I was watching the acceptance speeches of Oscar winners. Just wanted to know who the winners and i felt a bit sad when they were saying their thanks. All the people i heard said their thanks to everyone they worked with, but not one person said thanks to the being that brought them on this earth, GOD. Is it so hard to say thank you to God. I remember Matthew saying thanks to God but then he played as an actor for a movie where a Gay person was being raised to the heights of a God, so did Matthew really and genuinely praise God. I do not know.

Anyways there was Peele telling that he thanked his Mom for teaching him how to Love. Now this is a love showed by a mother to her son but how much of a model is it for me. Her love is not perfect like the love Jesus had for his children. He was asking for forgiveness of his enemies when he was being crucified on the cross. Now this is true LOVE and true FORGIVENESS.

Something that i don’t like at all is when people tell me is that Rejin i should love people, and forgive people. But they bloody never tell me HOW TO LOVE or HOW TO FORGIVE. This was why i went to Vipassanna and travelled around the world to do things to make me into a better person and finding that meaning for my life. I had no clue how to do this and i was loving everyone and everything and not killing anything etc. I was just gone out of screw really not knowing how to respond to people or events and majorly ignoring bad situations. I was out for like those 3-4 months while doing Vipassanna, made me into some kind of soft cotton. Well this was the complete wrong way of doing things.

I never had a hero growing up as a kid other than superman or batman etc (not real beings). Later on went to Michael Phelps and with his suicide days i was like no one is perfect, everyone has flaws and really deep flaws which are not showed outside. Now i have a hero to look upto and model. Its Jesus, he is my hero. Learning more about Jesus i have understood who i should model in my life (something i was missing during my self help days, i had no clue who to model). Jesus is the perfect human being there is, he is the exact person that i should model in my life. Jesus is really an unimaginable human being. I want to be like him more and more each and every day.

He was not like the hero which we see on TV now a days who fights and kills and destroys his enemies. He was in fact the opposite, he was a servant of God. He was very very humble, down to earth, full of love and forgiveness but also 100% convicted in his belief system and he would stand by those belief systems fully. I need to learn how to stand and defend the beliefs of the word of God. I have my holy spirit to help me so i need to keep practising talking with my holy spirit.

Oh man Life has gotten a lot more better, now that i know that there are 3 persons looking after me and love me and wants me to grow. God, Jesus Christ and the Holy spirit. They are all 1 being but 3 different persons. Life is getting better each and every day.

P.s.

I was thinking yesterday night about the fact that Rick was telling to read the bible and the holy spirit will help and guide me. My Holy Spirit put that idea of Akira Kurosawa telling in one of his interviews about the fact that in order to create a movie or to write a script then you need to have something in your memory or mind. We can extract things from the mind and memory and put it down on paper and then make it into a movie. But if there is nothing in the mind or memory then we can write nothing or make nothing. So we need to populate our mind with words, experiences and now watching stuff on YouTube and these go into our minds and then from there we can output it into a piece of paper.

So the Holy spirit cannot work with me if there is nothing in my mind and so one of the best sources of information is the word of God, the bible. The more i read the more knowledge i get and the better the my Holy Spirit can use to nudge me as to

what to or how to

KNOW, GO/DO, SAY, wait for – TIMING, resist TEMPTATION, DANGERS or MISTAKES to AVOID. (This is from Rick Warrens sermon yesterday night, you can google Saddle back church and follow his message, its really wonderful, thank God for him :))

P.s.

So many times i suffer from this disease of procrastination but writing this article did not make me procrastinate at all. I shall keep praying and asking my Holy Spirit to tell me how not to waste my time. I have been using my will power alone for such a long time but now i have the holy spirit of God with me as well. Its so much better. I want to be able to use my time more wisely like so in the coming days :).

And you who are reading, i tell you to please pray and let him find out your unique gifts and make you useful. Have a great day :)))

 

Its time to start.

Today I received a message from Benitta and it was about Billy Graham’s last ever message to the world.

“But I wont go to heaven because I’ve preached to crowds or because I’ve tried to live a good life. I’ll be in heaven for one reason: Many years ago I put my faith and trust in Jesus Christ, who died on the cross to make our forgiveness possible and rose again from the dead to give us eternal life. Do you know you will go to heaven when you die? You can, by committing your life to Christ today”.

 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

It’s not about what I do with my life for others but its all about how much I trust and love and give my all to the Lord. I want to give my whole life to God and not have any of my life for myself. I want Jesus to be my master. I want him to fully lead my life. I want to learn and trust him and give my everything to him. So please tell me how Lord.

This life that I am living on earth is just a simple and short life and it is just a warm up and a trial for me. This is a place for me actually get more people to know about God because in eternity I will not be able to do this. My eternity in heaven will be with others like me who are deep and full believers of Christ. There will be no non-believers there.

As I was talking to Babu chayan today, the way I should pray is like the lords prayer. I need to pray in such a way that what I want and what he wants matches (like the holy discontent).

Truly, truly I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes in he who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment but has passed on from death to life. John 5:24

 Do everything for the glory of God. Have constant conversations with God.

Belief in God without action is useless – Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. 1John 3:18

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the lord, and not for human masters. Colossians 3:23

So trusting in the Lord doesn’t mean that i can do anything and just wait for death. It means i have a job to do here on earth and that is to serve God (by serving people) with the abilities and talents and Gifts that God has given me. So i need to start work asap.

Thank you Lord for everything and giving me a fresh new start :).

 

 

Only the right values will give you the future you want.

Just because my life is pre planned everything in my life does not mean i automatically do it. I have the free will and i have the choose to do God’s will.

Deut 30: 15-16 – Love God, obey God and do what God tells me to do.

I have the freedom to choose what i want. The way i choose to respond to my problems or good things is what makes me successful or failure. I cannot control all my circumstances in my life but i can control my choices, my choices makes us. 

I make the difficult choices before anyone else does to be a good leader.

He persevered on him because he saw him who is invisible.

The choices i need to make to have the future that i want.  Hebrews 11:23-27

  1. Refuse to be defined by others (my identity) – Moses refused to live a lie. The only person who can judge me is God. He is my audience.
  2. Choose short term pain for long time gain – Delay gratification. The right thing is always the hard thing to do in the short term. The bible does say that sin is fun (pleasurable) for the short term. So have good habits it becomes easier for the long term.
  3. Choose what God values and not what culture values – What are my top 3 values in my life. What is important to my life? God is what is most important in my life. If i don’t have values then the world will create values for me. Moses gave up everything to do what God values most.
    1. God values 3 things
      1. God purpose is more important than popularity
      2. People are more important than pleasure
      3. Peace of mind is more valuable that possessions.
  4. Choose to live by faith and not by fear – He persevered in him because he saw him who is invisible. Don’t put faith in me, put my complete faith in Jesus Christ (the title). 

    Choose Life by choosing Jesus.